Fixing a Broken Mind
by Delta Immortal
Summary: Ultimacia left Seifer broken. When everyone is about to give up on him Zell opens his mouth and finds himself "baby-sitting" the ex-knight. Seifer x Zell


Fixing a Broken Mind

Delta Immortal

Warnings: Well, there's the pairing Seifer and Zell. Two men. One apartment.

…………

It was often said that when the ex-knight flew into rages like these, nothing could get him out. Countless SeeDs had tried, SeeDs hired to protect the ex-knight but not even Fuujin and Raijin could save him from himself. The chairs were lying, broken in pieces and the SeeDs who had ducked for cover were forced to try and use sleep magic.

That move was fatal. Every other SeeD who had come back knew that using magic on the raving madman never helped him. In fact, it had sent several to the hospital. But the SeeDs in the tiny apartment now couldn't think straight. There was a demon loose inside the kitchen and he had to be restrained.

Seifer stared at them angrily, his eyes flaring scary colors of green.

…………

The report came in as it always had: Holy shit the two SeeDs were scared out of their wits and who the hell in their right mind would do this and why did anyone care? Kill the damn man.

Squall rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was going to have to send someone else. This was getting expensive.

"What's wrong?" came the voice from across the room, unusually peppy and wired with energy. The voice belonged to Zell, a dear friend but not the most favorite sight to see without morning coffee.

"Seifer," Squall replied, setting the papers down and taking a drink of the dark liquid filled with awake. "This is the first time the commissioned SeeDs have told us to kill him."

"Damn," Zell agreed, his bouncing quieting for a moment. "What does he _do?_" Zell waved a hand. "Even I don't make that much of a problem. He's an ass and all but-"

"He has mental lapses. Ultimacia took charge of his head. Now that she's gone, it's collapsed on itself." Squall looked up at Zell, as if judging him. "The SeeDs may as well be right. It isn't really fair to him to keep him living like this." Squall studied Zell's reaction.

It was, of course, explosive. Nothing about the war had really changed him- he'd been a little more extraverted but still the same old Zell. "Kill him? That's not fair at all!" Zell stamped the ground with his left foot. "She was in there, and now he's gotta suffer for it, and nobody wants to help him? That's bullshit!"

"It's not that nobody wanted to help him. It's that nobody could." Squall sat back in his chair, wondering if Zell would fall into the trap laid out before him.

"Well, that's cause they suck! If they tried, they'd be able to!" Zell crossed his arms. "I'll go over there and fix Seifer myself!"

……………

It was only after Zell had filled out the forms allowing him to go that he realized he wouldn't be able to "fix" Seifer by himself. He'd suddenly taken a crash-course in psychology, and he realized mind rebuilding was not as easy as he thought it was. Of course some part of his brain still wanted to yell at Seifer but reading the reports, he realized that it would only make matters worse.

Maybe. Seifer really didn't know anything that was going on. Seifer didn't even know who he was.

Zell opened the door to the apartment, locking it behind him. The insides did not help his already growing discouragement and apprehension. Books lie tattered across the floor, dents were found in the walls, and the carpet was covered in woodchips, so many woodchips that Seifer might as well be starting a new wood floor. The plans told him that Seifer's bedroom was to the left, the kitchen up ahead, and the spare bedroom to the right. Avoiding a giant pile of junk, Zell heard movement in the spare bedroom. "Seifer?" he called out, and the bedroom door opened, a disheveled face appeared.

Seifer did not look well. His face was pale and hallow, his hair was stringy and he smelled really, really bad. His white shirt was yellow from sweat and Zell put his bag down on the spot. Seifer was going to be clean. Zell's OCD couldn't take any more. "I'm your new SeeD," he told Seifer comfortingly. "And you need a bath."

Seifer stared blankly at him for several minutes, trying to place the person before his eyes. Zell supposed it was shock of the Chicken being the new SeeD, but he couldn't be sure. Eventually, tapping his foot, Zell gave up and grabbed hold of Seifer's wrist, literally dragging him into the bathroom. Seifer hadn't even gotten a chance to think about what was going on before he was naked and soaking in a warm tub filled with bubbles. "Listen here," Zell told him sternly. "We are going to have order in this place. There is going to be structure. We are going to go to bed early and rise early, there will be three square meals, we will have fun, but I'm not going to take crap from you, Almasy, do you understand? You are going to start taking care of yourself."

The words were impressive and inspiring, but Seifer had taken a blank stare again and the faucet gained all of his attention. Zell sighed and handed Seifer a sponge- he had to stay here to make sure Seifer didn't drown, but he was already looking at the mildew on the sink and the other sponge was in Zell's hand.

Due to Seifer's condition, they weren't allowed any sort of poisonous chemical, but Zell would request a day's worth of cleaning chemicals tomorrow and oh boy, they would be gone when he was done. Already he was throwing away things that couldn't be used, like a moldy toothbrush or an empty bottle of prescription medication that had done no good. As he pulled out the trash sack to tie it up, he turned to look at Seifer, who was poking the sponge.

"Seifer," Zell stated simply. Summoning the last bit of patience he had, he stomped over to the bath and crouched next to the bathing man. There wasn't even a hint of awkwardness between them, the bath noted, not like with the other SeeDs. Zell knew exactly what he wanted Seifer to do and Seifer wasn't even sure what was going on. The bath was pleased- perhaps progress could be made.

"Wash yourself," Zell told him. "Certainly you remember how."

Seifer's voice filled the room, dusty and cracked and beaten down like a soda can on a street corner. "I don't remember things," he stated simply.

"You should remember how to wash yourself," came Zell's reply, his last nerve unwinding.

"Not People don't know how," came the reply, and the nerve went snap.

"You _are_ people!" Zell yelled in Seifer's ear, taking the sponge and jabbing it into Seifer's side. "And you _have_ to be clean! That's what people do! That's what you and I do! That's what everybody does!"

Seifer simply watched as Zell started moving the sponge. Sighing, Zell's head fell. This was going to be so much harder than he thought.

…………………

Seifer stared at the martial artist unpacked his stuff. Blessedly, the guest room was pretty much untouched but Zell was still very glad he had packed an extra set of sheets. As he placed his jacket on the wall, he turned to look at Seifer, and blushed. Bathing… hadn't gone anywhere as planned. In fact, it was totally not cool and though nothing had happened, it was still awkward to think about. Seifer had suddenly decided he'd liked the sponge… in places, and still refused to really talk to Zell, and so when Zell pulled away… there were…things. Upright things.

And then Zell had gotten the towels ready for him, because that was not near as smooth as he had hoped for.

So now, he was facing a shameless Seifer, who had managed to put on pants but was still watching him with fascination. Zell sighed. He had to be patient. He'd asked for this mission, so he had to try. If he didn't, Seifer would be considered hopeless and…

"What do you think?" Zell asked him, holding out a tattoo magazine. He'd been searching for some new ink for some time, but he'd brought it along to pass the time.

"I don't," came the automatic reply. "She thinks. I listen."

Zell winced as he placed the magazine down. "Seifer," he stated. "She isn't there anymore."

Seifer glared at him.

"Well, fine, maybe she is still in your head, but I remember her dying," Zell told him, flopping on the bed next to him. Several minutes passed. "Seifer?" Zell asked him, and Seifer turned to face him, slightly surprised. "Do you know who I am?"

Seifer bit his lip. "A SeeD," he said softly. "That's who you are."** You can't be Zell because if you're Zell she's gone and if she's gone why am I thinking why am I thinking these thoughts but you look so much like him but he would want revenge and you don't you don't want that you are so different and why do you have to look like him Hyne, why do you have to **

"Okay," Zell told him. "I'm a SeeD. So it's nine-thirty now and I think we should try to get to bed, yes?"

Seifer's response was the one he'd been giving Zell all night, and Zell didn't really feel like cleaning another room- the main bedroom smelled horrible. Well, then, there was no choice, was there? They'd have to sleep together. Zell figured he could sleep on the outside of the covers. So he pulled the covers open and tucked Seifer into them, walking outside to make sure the door was locked and when he turned around Seifer was staring at him with big sad eyes.

Hyne, Zell realized for the umpteenth time, this was more work than he thought it was going to be. "Let's get to bed, Seifer. I'm making sure no one can get in."

The green eyes narrowed in response, and Zell sighed. "You're still a suspicious bastard," he remembered for the two of them, leading Seifer to the bed once again. " 'What are you doing, Dincht? Up to no good?' 'Only future perverts try to find their way into the women's restroom.'" Zell almost smiled before he realized that the cocky bastard in front of him was no such person- he was empty and hurt to a point it almost hurt Zell. People wanted this man dead, this man with a head that had been twisted in on itself. "Shit," he stated. "Come on, then, Seifer." He tucked the man in again and flicked off the light, climbing on top of the covers. "Good night."

Seifer only stared at him, and Zell sighed again into the darkness. "Good night, Seifer."

There was still no response, not even after Zell had fallen asleep.

………………

When Zell woke up, there was the same blank face staring at him. "Shit, Seifer," Zell murmured as he looked at the clock. Only four hours had passed, but Zell had to pee. "Don't you sleep?"

"No," Seifer replied evenly. "Not People can't."

Zell smacked his forehead. "Why not?" he demanded, sitting up. "It's good for you."

Seifer just stared at him evenly. "I _can't_," he whispered shakily, his hands tightening in the covers.

Zell, oblivious as ever, shrugged and he moved to make his way across the messy floor to the bathroom. Seifer growled, waiting in the darkness and when Zell returned Seifer shouted. "Don't you even _know_ why I can't sleep? Don't you think I crave it?" A pillow flew through the air but Zell blocked it and it landed back on top of Seifer.

Zell said nothing and flopped back down on the bed, his hand reaching out to Seifer's face. "You're safe here. If she finds you there, wake up and I'll be right here to fight her again, okay?"

Seifer's eyes narrowed and he growled, but he flipped over in the bed. Zell's arm retreated and his eyes shut again. A few hours later he was aware of somebody cuddling up to him, shaking and he wrapped his arms around Seifer. "It's okay," he told the other blonde.

"She's here," Seifer uttered. "She's… who am I?"

"Seifer," Zell replied quietly. Somehow seeing his bully broken like this was numbing on some level. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Am I Not People?" the question was meek and terrified.

"You are Seifer Almasy. You are a person." Zell held him tighter. "I knew you when we were little."

"I was little?" This question seemed much more surprised.

"Of course. You and I… had a special relationship." Zell scoffed. Seifer's eyes had glazed over again, but his body was still trembling. Finally, as Seifer drifted off, Zell closed his eyes.

Things never should have turned out like this.

………………

Zell had awakened first, and he had decided to let Seifer sleep in a bit. Before he even looked in the fridge he knew there was no food; that was apparent by whatever was on the floor. So he grabbed a mop and started cleaning. When he stopped, Seifer had been standing there, staring at him with green eyes.

"Morning," Zell told him. "I cleaned."

Seifer nodded darkly. Zell motioned for him to sit on the couch. "You don't have chairs, then. There's no food. I'll have the SeeDs pick us up something."

It was at the word SeeDs that Seifer's eyes dilated. He started clutching his head and Zell moved to restrain him. Luckily Zell was strong enough now that he could restrain the man by keeping him pinned to the sofa- Seifer's failing did little good against the man of pure muscle. The part that worried Zell was that even after an hour, they were still like this. Seifer was panting, staring death into Zell's face, and Zell was just as pissed back.

"You always were a troublemaker, weren't you?" Zell rode a particularly hard jerk and slammed Seifer's wrists back into the sofa. "Damnit, Seifer, It's me, Zell. I never fought you, remember? I'm not your enemy, I'm Zell."

At that, Seifer's breathing stopped and his eyes focused, taking in the scene around him. "Zell?" he asked softly, trying to move a hand but realizing it wouldn't move. "Where am I?"

"Your apartment. For now," Zell told him, sitting up. "Damn, Seifer, I'm not here to hurt you, okay? I'm trying to help you."

"Help me do what?" Seifer stated defensively, glaring evenly with Zell. "I don't need your help, Chicken. I'm fine without it."

Zell smacked the sofa. "_this_ is not fine! Living in filth is not _fine!_ Having episodes and not being able to wash yourself is _not_ fine!" His anger flared and he really wanted to break the sofa to prove his anger. Only Seifer's face kept him from doing so. It showed unrestraint that Zell had never seen before. It showed weakness and hurt and things that Seifer should never have been able to do with his face.

"Leave me alone!" Seifer suddenly yelled back, withdrawing into a ball. "I didn't ask for this!" He shuddered on the sofa and it was the first time Zell had ever seen Seifer cry.

…………………

Over the next few weeks, they had developed what Zell had been hoping for: Routine. Every day Zell woke up at six, fixed breakfast, cleaned, worked out, fixed lunch, tried to do an activity with Seifer, worked out, took a shower, fixed dinner, tried to do other activities with Seifer, helped Seifer take a bath, helped tuck Seifer into bed and then went to sleep himself.

Though the days remained the same, Seifer's mentality did not. Sometimes he would be there but oftentimes he wasn't- he wouldn't know who Zell was or where they were. Often he was staring out in the distance, though Zell could see Seifer thinking. And sometimes late at night, Seifer would take Zell up on the offer he had given his first night and bite his pride to come crawling into Zell's bed, crying in his arms. There was something immensely wrong with the picture, Zell knew, and it broke his heart to think of such things. Seifer had been so different, he had told the blank gaze, but Seifer rarely spoke.

Zell's patience was increasing, though. That was useful, at least.

Luckily, Seifer's giant outbursts were becoming fewer and far between as the routine continued. A therapist had started seeing Seifer, though it was useless. Zell had managed to quell them all so far.

But still. It reminded him of why he was there. Staring at Seifer's empty shell, Zell sighed as picked up the plate of half-eaten food. "You done?"

Seifer nodded, his eyes focusing in on him. "Yeah. Do you want help?" He stood up and moved to the drying rack, picking up a towel, ready to dry. Zell allowed himself to smile inside and he started washing.

"Do you remember washing dishes at Matron's?" Zell asked him, trying for conversation. There was so little between them, the only thing Zell could ever do was to talk about stories of their childhood. "We all used to take turns. Of course, I'd always drop the plates." Zell smiled at Seifer, and Seifer just stared a back at him, but this stare wasn't the normal empty one. The ex-knight was trying to remember, trying to figure out what to make of the situation. The SeeD kept on talking. "And then Quistis would yell at me, and you'd make fun of me for dropping them. Remember?"

"They were blue?" came the question, and Zell thought about it for a second. He hadn't really remembered what color they were.

"They were, weren't they! I'd completely forgotten." Zell laughed. "Well, I suppose our memories are all patchy from the GFs anyway. You never liked them- no wonder you can remember so well!" He handed Seifer a plate, but Seifer wasn't responding. Zell poked him with the plate again, tearing Seifer from his thoughts and Seifer blinked, took the plate and dried it. His face was pained, though, so Zell started rattling on about some strange UFO that had been sighted in the desert.

It maybe wasn't prescribed, but keeping Seifer busy and remembering his childhood was about all Zell could do to keep the ex-knight from suddenly curling into a ball or to just freeze. All Seifer's emotions were on his face and it worried Zell, because there were some dark emotions underneath that surface that were quite easy to read.

"Why did you come here?" came Seifer's sudden question, right in the middle of Zell talking about his battle with the UFO. Zell wasn't even fazed by the question and kept on washing.

"Well, the others were going to give up," Zell stated, rising off the cup. "I suppose it was good I went, since I can restrain you without resorting to magic. But I don't see why you didn't deserve another chance- I mean… bad, crazy shit happened to you Seifer. That doesn't make you a bad person, does it? I mean, you're an asshole, or I mean, you were, but-"

Seifer was laughing suddenly, the cup ignored. Seifer moved to fall back onto the sofa, his laughter turning into slight sobs. "Bad shit did happen," he agreed, suddenly trying not to start crying. "You probably came because I'm such a mess. You came to gloat over me."

"Get over yourself," Zell retorted, placing the cup down and turning to him. "If I wanted to gloat I would have stayed at the Garden. But I'm here, trying to help you and I know it isn't easy for you, but it isn't easy for me, either!" Zell stomped over to the sofa. "There are so many other things I could be doing, going on missions or chatting with friends, but I'm not, because you, you big idiot, deserve a second chance and Squall was going to have you killed if you couldn't fix yourself and I didn't want you to die!" The little blonde was huffing, but Seifer's hand suddenly moved to his leg.

"Thank you," came the quiet whisper, and shame suddenly raked over Zell. He shouldn't have lost his temper like that. "For staying."

"Yeah, well, I'm probably really obnoxious," Zell replied, sighing back into the sofa. "Yellin' at you all the time."

"It helps," Seifer uttered softly, but Zell missed it completely. So Seifer just stayed in a ball for a while until Zell left to do something, and Seifer moved to the bathroom to take his bath. Of course, the bath was pleased Seifer was using it again.

………………

The next morning Zell awoke to see Seifer standing above him. "What's up?" he asked, rubbing his head. "You couldn't sleep?"

"No," Seifer replied. "I slept. Really well." He offered a strange sort of strangled smile, as if he had forgotten to do so. "So… today, can we watch a movie?"

"Sure," Zell told him. "So long as you're feeling up to it."

Seifer then left the room and Zell stretched, not ever wondering about how long Seifer had been watching him or why Seifer might have slept so well. He climbed out of bed to help Seifer make breakfast, then started his workout routine, and Seifer suddenly asked a question.

"Can you teach me how to swat flies?"

It was said in his old arrogant tone but Zell grinned. "Sure," he told the blonde. He motioned for Seifer to come over. "I think you know the basics, right? We all had to learn them in Garden in case we ever get unarmed."

Seifer nodded, following Zell's moves with a slight hesitation. It reminded Zell of his students who had seen the moves but didn't know what they were.

"Seifer," he asked quietly. "Do you remember anything?"

Seifer looked at him with glazed eyes for a moment. "Not People don't have memories. They don't need them."

Zell sighed. "Stop this not people crap. You are Seifer Almasy. You spent our childhood bullying me. You went to Garden. You made a bad choice, but you are still a person."

Seifer nodded, and tried again. The movements were rusty this time.

………………

"Who am I?" came the quiet question in the dark of the night. "Am I this boy, am I the man? Which am I? How can I choose? I failed her, I failed her…"

"Seifer?" Zell asked into the darkness, and suddenly the bed dipped. Zell tensed as a really close Seifer whispered in his ear.

"You, you always tell me. Who am I? Am I the boy, or am I the man? I failed her, did she know I would fail? Tell me, what did I do wrong?"

"Seifer," stated quietly. "You're the man, Seifer. She is no more. You didn't do her wrong. You did your best, we did our best. Now you are here, watched by SeeD, because we know you are broken." It was a familiar explanation.

"Why do you watch what is broken?" Seifer asked him, and Zell suddenly forced him onto his back.

"I want to fix you. Sleep." He turned over, but Seifer's hand suddenly poked his back.

"Fix me how?"

Zell turned over, expecting a disappointed Seifer but instead got a twinkle in the man's eyes.

"Seifer," he whispered, unaware of the tension between them. "It's time for bed."

"Yes," Seifer stated, suddenly moving closer. "I know." The man swallowed, his neck tight and Zell closed his eyes. "Zell," he breathed, and it was not the way he usually said Zell's voice. It was like a plea, almost.

"Seifer, go to bed. I have enough trouble explaining why we're sleeping together to Squall as it is."

Seifer froze at that. "Squall. Why are… what?" he paused. Squall was the enemy. SeeD was the enemy.

"They have cameras," came Zell's statement. "So that they know I'm not in danger. But they called the other night, asking if I was okay." Zell shrugged. "Sleep now?"

"Do you not trust me, Zell?" came Seifer's question, and Zell reached over to pet him on the shoulder, not realizing how close they were or how Seifer's eyes closed slightly.

"I do. I think if you really wanted to kill me you would have done so. No SeeD's gunna stop you." Zell sighed and turned his back to the man.

In return, Seifer snuggled a little under the covers. Zell believed in this Seifer Almasy. Maybe he could, too.

………………

"Am I a man?" came the question, and Zell sat up in bed, face red and blushing. He didn't want to explain what had just happened, so he moved to the bathroom as quickly as possible. Seifer awoke groggily but assumed it was Zell being weird so he closed his eyes, waiting for Zell to return to the bed. Sometimes she was there when Zell wasn't. She had said Zell would leave, but Zell hadn't left yet. Zell was still here, and Seifer was still here, so fuck her. What did a dead woman know anyway, aside from everything?

Zell came back into the bed some time later, and as Zell laid down, Seifer was aware of eyes falling over him. Or at least, he thought he could feel eyes. His own eyes shot open but Zell was, in fact, staring at him with a face he wanted to see often. Seifer was sure he'd made that own face, in the dead of the night, when Zell was sleeping. No wonder Squall had called.

"Sleep," Seifer told him. Their roles were reversed for a moment; much like it had been on the SeeD test, except Seifer was sure he hadn't cared about Zell then.

"Seifer," Zell began, but Seifer turned over in the bed. If SeeD was watching, he had to behave, didn't he? Seifer didn't think he could stand to stare at Zell any more tonight.

Zell bit his lip, trying to fall back to sleep. It wasn't near as easy as he thought it would be.

…………………

Zell awoke the next morning when the phone rang. Seifer actually managed to pick it up and try and answer, his voice shaking. Even when the SeeDs came over, Seifer had never had a great reaction with them. When Seifer's shrink came over, Seifer didn't have a good reaction with her, either. So for Seifer to pick up the phone-

"Hello. Seifer … speaking."Seifer had paused at his last name as if trying to search for it. "Okay. I'll get him."

The words were so fragile. Seifer had probably just spoken to his worst enemy, his childhood rival, and yet seemed to be quite stable. "Here, Zell." Seifer handed the cordless phone to the man and Zell took it.

"Hello?" Zell asked, sleepy.

"I think it's time you had a break," Squall told him.

……………………

This situation was bullshit. The martial artist was standing, pouting in a corner as Squall talked to several other SeeD members. As they left, Squall motioned for him to sit down. "Zell," Squall began. "You've done a good job. Seifer can actually speak to me. He's not gone into a rage for several weeks. He's thinking that he is himself, rather than a failed knight. Nothing you did was wrong."

"So I'm removed 'cause I did a good job?" Zell asked, sitting down and his eyes shooting daggers into Squall's own. "I was helping him, Squall, I was!"

"He was falling in love with you, Zell," came Squall's cold response.

The glares turned into disbelief. Squall took a sip of coffee again. "He was beginning to depend on you. You can see why that's dangerous; we want him to be independent. We don't, I don't, want him turning you into his own personal Ultimacia." Squall set the coffee down. "Zell," he continued, "he's not in the right mind for relationships."

Zell looked at the floor. He hadn't thought Seifer… liked him like that. "But I was helping?" he asked. "I mean, I never really liked Seifer, but he wasn't a bad person, and he really is trying…"

"I know he is, Zell." The gunblader, the SeeD Commander nodded along with him. "I'm very glad you broke him from his vicious cycle. I'm glad you led him this far. But if you stay, you'll be very detrimental to his health."

"If you take me away, he'll get confused. What if he has a nightmare? What if he has one of his silent attacks again?" Zell was still looking at the ground.

"Zell." Squall was studying him. Finally, he sighed. "You can't have a relationship with an unstable person. You think you'll fix them. You will. But you won't be able to." Zell looked up, and Squall gave a small smile. "I know you. Being needed is one of your addictions."

Pinned. Zell hated being pinned in this way, under words, under logic. He didn't deserve to be pinned like this, and he had no way to fight it. "Squall," he stated. "I don't think Seifer can deal with me leaving right now."

Squall rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You'll have to leave him at some point, Zell. I'm just trying to save you a broken heart." He sighed. "I really can't refuse whatever it is you want to do. It's dangerous in there, and it's not a physical danger."

"I know that."

……………………

Guilt ate at him as Zell climbed back up the empty apartment stairs. Nobody really lived here; just a few emergency SeeDs, a doctor, whatever- undercover SeeD hideouts were just not filled with people. As he made it to the building, he could hear the SeeDs Squall had sent in to replace them.

"Come on then, Ex-knight. Eat."

There was no response.

Seifer must be in one of his moods again, Zell thought to himself. The idea that perhaps Seifer liked him took again to being ridiculous. Seifer wouldn't try to love him. Squall was just pressing Zell's own feelings-

Zell wouldn't let anything happen, he promised himself, knocking on the door.

"Poor thing," the man's voice stated, getting up from the table. "Watch him." The door opened and as the SeeD recognized Zell his face lifted. "Hello there. Back again, then?" He opened the door to allow Zell in, taking Zell's bags to the room where the SeeDs had theirs packed. "He hasn't said a thing in the two days you've been gone. Doesn't really move much, either. He's been in that chair since morning."

"Melodramatic," Zell agreed, and Seifer's eyes flickered for a second. Zell walked into the kitchen, and the SeeD saluted him.

Suddenly, the table flew up, dishes flying at the SeeD. Seifer turned and moved to tackle Zell, but Zell dodged and Seifer ended up ramming into the other SeeD instead. Zell moved to tackle Seifer, managing to knock him over and was struggling to pin him when the first SeeD attempted to use blind.

Seifer twitched for a second before his body started shaking. "Don't use magic!" Zell roared. "It's too much like Her!"

The SeeDs paused, the second throwing a potion to the first. Seifer kept shaking and Zell lessened his grip to try and comfort the blonde.

"Hey," he said softly. "Seifer."

A fist connected with his face.

Zell lay across the room. He raised his head at the figure standing above him, tasting blood in his mouth. Seifer just stood across the way, face frozen.

Shit, Zell thought. Seifer really didn't remember him. Seifer really wasn't able to tell friend or foe. All that trust he had placed in Seifer was shattered in an instant. Zell really should have known better. The SeeDs were restraining Seifer, and Seifer resisted them, but Zell stood up, grabbed Seifer's neck, and Seifer slumped forward in the chair.

"Sir, are you all right?" one SeeD asked him. Zell nodded. "All right then. He'll be out for a few hours. You two take off."

The two frowned, but obeyed, leaving Zell standing, betrayed, staring at an unconscious Seifer.

………………

Zell awoke to find Seifer staring at him. Again. He had no idea how long Seifer had been there, like most times. "Seifer," he acknowledged, sitting up. His face still stung. "Nightmare?" He'd have to push it aside.

"I hit you," Seifer stated, his body starting to shake again. "Why are you still here?"

"Just was gone for a couple days. Didn't intend to leave." Zell smiled at him, though his mind was on guard. Seifer might change into raging Seifer again, he couldn't tell. "They needed me."

"I needed you," Seifer uttered, and from the look on his face, it was obvious he never meant to say those words. He turned to leave, but Zell sighed and patted the bed.

"Don't suppose you'll tell me why," Zell stated. "That would be so like you, ass, to keep me in the dark as long as you could." He gave one of his toothy grins. He couldn't even see Seifer's face anymore, backlit at night.

The form stopped and turned to him. "What if I attack you in your bed?"

"Kinky," Zell replied. "I figure you won't hit me again. 'sides, I was overconfident. Should have known you'd gone into your vacant gaze funks."

The words were a lie. One giant lie that Zell had to keep pretending was real. He didn't really want Seifer there next to him, he really didn't know what Seifer would do and it scared him. For once during this mission he realized he might not wake back up. For once during this mission he realized that not everything would end up all right. Seifer would always suffer from these episodes. There was nothing Zell could do.

Seifer moved to his bedside, not wanting to get on the bed. "Are you scared of me?" he asked softly, as if there were people who would hear him. His hand reached up to touch the wound. "You should be. I'm a horrible person, you know."

Zell looked up at him. "You did horrible things, Seifer. Doesn't make you a horrible person."

The hand moved from his wound to his tattoo, starting to trace circles on it. Squall's words of warning echoed through the sound of blood rushing through his ears. "Seifer?"

"I was always a horrible person," Seifer replied. "Picking on you. A man is judged by his deeds, isn't he?" The hand stopped and tore away. "Why did you come back, Zell?"

One of the lapses of sanity. Zell shrugged. "I figured you could use the progress. You don't seem to make it with the others. And I wasn't about to give up on you, no matter what they told me."

"You have every right to give up," Seifer told him darkly. "Everyone else does. 'sit down, Seifer, eat this, Seifer, Seifer, stop that'. They all tire in the same way."

"You have a lot to sort through," Zell replied, wondering if Seifer was shirtless because of choice or because he hadn't thought to put it on. At least it wasn't pants this time. That had been awkward.

"Sort through?" Seifer asked. "Do you really think I'll be done with this…baggage?"

"Yeah," Zell told him evenly. "I think you'll still have scars, but when you talk to me like this, I can see you again. You'll revert back when the trigger comes, but your personality is there, Seifer, and I think you'll stay yourself."

Seifer leaned in too closely, and Zell just _knew_ the other blonde was staring at his lips. "Why did Squall call you away?" he asked. "Stupid SeeD, taking you away."

_Distract him_, Zell thought, though his mind was suddenly focused on other things. "Seifer, I'm a SeeD. It was a debriefing about the mission. Squall had some questions about what I was, and am, doing."

"What are you doing?"

Seifer's breath tasted really minty. Like toothpaste.

Zell blushed as he scooted back a bit. "Sit down," he offered, but Seifer stood where he was. "Squall wanted to know if I wanted to quit or not. I've stayed with you much more than other SeeDs, and he thought I should get a break."

Seifer stared at him again. Had he gone? Zell reached up to touch his face. "Seifer. I'm trying to help. I am."

"You can't," Seifer stated blankly, before standing up and walking away. Zell sighed in frustration as he lay down, the taste of mint still in his mouth.

……………

Zell had to admit, the wound had gone down more than he had expected when he looked in the mirror the next morning. The bath agreed silently. As he slipped into bubbles of his own (who cared if it was girly, making bubble-cities to be wrecked by giant duck-monsters from outer space never got old) he heard the sound of birds chirping outside. They sounded rather pretty and quite happy outside. In fact, Zell wished he could also be outside.

Outside.

_Fine,_ he told his mind, _I'll see what I can do to take Seifer outside. Sheesh._

There would have to be major trust involved. Squall would want to be notified, and it would have to be taken up with a consular. But maybe Zell could convince Squall to come in and remove some cameras. Maybe.

Sighing as he built an apartment complex (bubbles on top of squarish-looking bubbles), he wondered if maybe Seifer would keep coming onto him like he had last night. No doubt that he was attracted to Seifer, just…

Shit, Squall had been right. He didn't want to admit that.

"Zell?" came the sudden voice, and Zell got up from the tub, wrapping a towel around himself. The morning nightmare, a good old friend to him, was calling.

"I'm coming, Seifer," he yelled, opening the door.

…………………

Squall had agreed to the plan, surprisingly enough. When Zell had requested the cameras move from the bathrooms and bedrooms, Squall had raised an eyebrow, but when Zell relented to just his room, it was much more agreeable. Seifer still needed to be watched.

So now Zell was standing at the park with Seifer, who was sitting near the lake. SeeD had blocked and sealed off any people coming into the park, which was a pain to explain, but in the long run it would be good for Seifer. He was smiling softly to himself and Zell was tossing rocks at ducks.

The water. He was totally tossing rocks at the water, and not really close to the ducks to see how much water he could splash on them, because that would be cruel. Totally-

That rock had hit the duck's butt. Zell let his rocks drop, turning to the smiling man. "You seem happy."

"I'm sure you pulled some strings," Seifer replied, "but outside is good. It's beautiful out here. She… never liked… outside."

Zell sat next to him. "We have our likes and dislikes. You liked fighting outside, especially in thunderstorms."

"Squall would have lit up like a neon sign," Seifer agreed, his face pale. "We are outside, right?"

"Of course," Zell told him. "Of course we are." He patted Seifer's knee as the wind picked up, sending a cool breeze their way. Seifer gave a slight shudder.

"A storm's coming," he stated.

"Yeah." Zell stretched. "They haveta come sometime. You wanna spend time in the rain?"

Seifer suddenly grabbed Zell's hand. "No," he said tightly, his eyes wide but not looking at Zell.

"Ooo…kay, then," Zell replied. He picked up his phone and started texting a request to return home. The reply was instant.

_We're done, so go ahead._

"Shall we go before the storm?" Zell stood up, but Seifer hadn't let his hand go. "Seifer." Zell touched his head. "If you don't come, you'll be in the storm."

"It will come anyway," came the reply. "She'll come anyway."

Zell squeezed his hand. "Almasy. Let's go, then." He tugged with enough force that Seifer stood out of habit (it was amazing what a dislocated limb could teach you). He followed Zell obediently past the flowerbeds and over the bridge on the lake. Maybe at one point he would have thought this to be romantic, but she was coming, and if she was coming he had to hide. He squeezed Zell's hand tighter.

"We're going, Seifer, I promise." Zell led him to the crosswalk, also closed off, and they entered the brick building. Seifer almost bounded up the stairs behind him and as soon as the door opened to the apartment he ran into his room and curled into a ball.

Rain poured down almost instantly. It sloshed at the windows and shook the frame of the building. Zell took off his shoes before entering Seifer's room.

Seifer was shaking. "What's wrong?" Zell asked him, touching Seifer's back. "You used to love these kinds of storms. Said they were epic."

Seifer kept shaking, and Zell continued. "You used to make fun of me for being scared of them all the time, right?" He patted Seifer's back. "Seifer, Laura will be here soon."

Seifer shifted in the bed, his hands suddenly reaching to his forehead and had Zell not instinctively moved to stop them Seifer would have torn his own face off. He'd reached for his face before but hadn't done it recently.

"Let me take it off! I'm marked! I'm marked!" Screams echoed in the apartment. "She's marked me! Take it off! Take it off!"

"Seifer!" Zell yelled at him, but Seifer was twisting, trying to free himself. Zell moved on top of him to get a better grip. "Seifer, you aren't marked!" he countered.

"Yes I am! Yes I am! See it there, her mark! If she hadn't talked to me then with her feathers and her dreams! She marked me! Take it off! I don't want to be her thing! I don't want to be marked! I don't-"

Seifer relented into sobbing. "I don't wanna be her knight," he whimpered. "Please. Please. Please. Take it off. Please."

Zell looked at Seifer's forehead, wondering if it was the scar he was talking about. "Seifer," he whispered.

"She'll call me again." Seifer looked so pitiful like this, eyes red but dilated, fearful.

"I promise she won't," Zell told him, letting the hands go. He touched the scar. "This was there before her, you know. Even if by a little, you had this before you had her."

"I did not," came Seifer's reply, but his hands didn't move towards his face again.

"She's not in this storm, Seifer. I promise." He moved off the bed, sighing. "I know you it's hard to believe. I know it's hard for you to believe anything I say. To you, I'm still a SeeD, still your enemy-"

"You're Zell," Seifer replied quietly through his hiccups. "You remind me that I was a person." He grabbed Zell's hand. "You remind me of lots of important stuff." He paused, turning his head to look at Zell. "Why did you come back?" he asked, his eyes shutting.

"Seifer, we've been over this," Zell told him, and Seifer grinned.

"See? Now that memory is true."

Zell blinked, the thought going over him. "I… I verify your memories?" he asked, and Seifer chuckled.

"It's hard, sorting them out. She gave me false ones, too. Ones where you were all controlled by some other person, like a videogame. Ones where you never existed. Ones where nothing made sense. I'd have to believe what she told me, because I had no other option."

"Oh." Zell sighed. "If it's your childhood you want to know more about, Irvine remembers the orphanage pretty well. He's the one who reminded all of us about our past."

Seifer's grin just grew. "You are such a silly creature," he whispered.

"You'll feel better after you sleep," Zell replied. "If Laura comes I'll tell her you're sleeping off a stressful day. Okay?"

"Yeah," Seifer agreed, letting go of Zell's hand. Zell rolled off the bed and helped Seifer into the covers before Seifer gave one of his sad chuckles. "Just like a little kid."

"Yeah, but at least you don't go around pissing yourself now," Zell replied cheekily.

For the first time Zell had seen him, Seifer let out a real laugh. "I try not to," he agreed, and Zell shut the door, happy with his success. It was strange to think of Seifer as the way he had been before. Zell's smile faded. It was harder to imagine him punching his face less than 24 hours ago.

…………………

Zell looked at the TV in boredom. The storm had knocked out their power, though he had a good feeling the cameras had their own supply. "Damn, this sucks," he stated, and Seifer looked at him. "You were excited this morning."

"Didn't think I'd stay bored," Zell told him. "Lightning is exciting and all, but not having power is shit." He lounged out on the sofa, stretching as he placed his head in Seifer's lap. Seifer leaned down at him.

"You are like a pet. Maybe a kitten, so fickle." He petted Zell's hair, no gel on it this late at night. "Time for bed, then?"

"Meow," Zell replied, smirking. "Least I'm not a chicken," he retorted, but Seifer had heard the words and his eyes were focused on something behind them. "Hey?"

"I did call you that, didn't I?" Seifer looked at him. "The SeeD test?"

"Yeah," Zell nodded. "You never called me by anything at Garden before that. Then I was a chicken-wuss from that point on." He sat up, stretching. "All right. Time for bed."

Seifer nodded and stood up, shuffling into the bathroom to brush his teeth and Zell sighed, flipping over the sofa and moving to his room to change into pajamas.

As he pulled up his bottoms, sewn with love and chocobos, he heard Seifer open the bathroom door to leave and shut the door to his own room. He moved to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, sighed at the length of his hair, peed, washed his hands and dried them, opened the door and moved into his own bed.

It was a fairly basic routine.

He sighed as he turned over, sleep wanting to overtake him.

His door creaked open. He sat up, his eyes drawn to the figure. But Seifer didn't seem to be afraid of Zell seeing him, nor was he shaking like a nightmare. "What's wrong?" Zell asked, and Seifer shook his head.

"Nightmare," he replied, almost automatically.

This was dangerous. Seifer walked to the other side of the bed, creeping into the covers. Zell bit his lip, trying hard not to think about what Seifer's real reason was for coming here.

"What about?" Zell asked. "If it was only a few minutes, must have been pretty bad." He looked over at Seifer as he set his head on a pillow. Seifer was watching him intently.

"Seifer," Zell whispered, trying hard to come up with what he was going to say next. Seifer took a breath in before speaking.

"When I get better," he began, but trailed off. He turned over, unable to look at Zell.

Zell sat up, confused. "What, when you get better what?" He reached over to touch Seifer's side, and the man shuddered. Zell scooted over to his side, watching the man tense. Sighing, he touched Seifer's arm. "Yeah. When you stop depending on me." Lying down next to him, Zell wrapped his arms around the larger man. "I can wait."

Seifer reached up and touched Zell's hand. "You always have the right things to say. So unlike you, crybaby."

Zell grinned into his back. "Still sayin' them without thinkin', though."

"Ah, there's the Zell I remember."

A few minutes passed into the night, sleep covering the two of them, and Zell still had no idea what was going on. He was just happy Seifer had worn both a shirt and pants this time.

……………………

"Morning," Seifer told him. Zell blinked, unsure of why Seifer was getting him up.

Groggily, he sat up in bed. "Morning." Seifer grinned.

"I made breakfast," Seifer told him. "With hotdogs cut up into your eggs."

"You know me too well," Zell stated, laughing. Maybe he should have been more subtle about the hot-dog thing. "All right, I'll get up."

"Good," Seifer told him. He left, and Zell smiled to himself. Maybe Seifer was getting better.

Well, at least SeeD trusted him enough now to cook. The eggs came back a little burnt. Zell had watched Seifer go vacant for a few seconds, but thought maybe he should let Seifer come out of it. And come out of it Seifer did, blinking and though his hands were shaking they continued to move, to flip and scramble eggs for the individuals. Zell was almost proud of him.

His eye still ached, though.

……………

"It's the Kranen in a few days," Seifer told him from Zell's lap, sitting on the couch. The tv show of the night had ended- it was one of the historical dramas that often played. Zell looked down at him, Seifer's hair long enough to play with. The expression Seifer had on his face was one that stabbed Zell through the heart. He really shouldn't stay.

"It is."

"Are you doing anything special for it? The day off? It is the day of rebirth, isn't it?" Seifer looked up at him with his eyes, head still staying where it could be massaged.

"Nah. I can request decorations or something if you'd like. Or we could make them ourselves." Zell turned off the TV.

"We never had celebrations in Garden. I think Matron used to have decorations, but… What about you?" Seifer closed his eyes.

"Ah, I used to go home for Kranen. Ma would always make eggs and mini-trees." Zell smiled at the memory. "Then there would be the songs, and we'd just sit, the two of us, and go through albums or something. Ma always gave me great presents, too."

"Like what?" Seifer asked, a scene of Zell sitting with his ma a warm welcome from the way he had seen it last year.

"Books, actually. Ma would always try to keep me well educated, and she gave me the stuff that I wanted to read."

"I don't believe it," Seifer told him, turning to actually stare up at him. Zell shrugged, letting his hands fall to the side and in his lap next to Seifer's head.

"Oh yeah. It'll ruin my image, but I'm a giant geek." He cracked his neck. "Grandpa always said it was best to learn as much as you can so that in a battle you can use what you learn in the blink of an eye."

Seifer reached up to trace his tattoo, Zell shuddering slightly. "Didn't work in Timber," he hinted, trying to accept what had happened afterward rather than shut it out. His mind was slipping, though.

"Didn't work on the SeeD test," Zell stated, distracting him. "I didn't even think about them using the tower." Seifer's eyes focused back on him.

"Why?"

"Hmm?" Zell looked down at him. "Why what?"

Seifer turned over again. "Why did you come back for me? You hated me. I made your life hell. And yet you came back."

"Don't worry about it," Zell told him, his impulses telling him to kiss this man now, and kiss him hard. "I came because I knew it was you. I came back for the same reason. You're a good person, Seifer, even if you're an asshole." His hands moved back to Seifer's hair.

"Not that good. Was a knight to an evil sorceress. No one would adopt me."

Zell kept messing with Seifer's hair, trying to massage his head to take away the tension that had built up again. "It was a bad time. I got lucky. Everyone else had problems and got shoved to Garden. It's not something you did, Seifer."

"Really," Seifer said with a dry tone.

"Really," Zell told him. "You weren't marked for failure. You aren't marked for failure. You still do have a life ahead of you, I promise."

The two stayed for a few more minutes in silence before Seifer broke it again. "Why not your dad?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Your dad. You didn't mention him."

"Oh, Pa?" Zell sighed. "Pa…sails." He started working on Seifer's neck, taking delight in the way that Seifer shifted comfortably. "He doesn't often come home."

Seifer let out a hum as conformation. Zell stopped, tapping his head as a sign he wanted to get up. The ex-knight reluctantly sat up. "So…" Zell stated, standing, "What do you want to do for Kranen?"

Seifer stated at him, unable to say the one thing he wanted to say.

"You."

So instead, he said, "I'll surprise you." Smiling, he took a bunch of papers and went into his room. Zell let out a smile and a sigh. The eye had been forgotten, and the hurt along with it.

………………

The next few days were spend with Zell not seeing much of Seifer- he spent his time holed up in his room. Which was fine in a way because Zell could start cleaning the sinks and the oven but he eventually ran out of things to do. Bored, he would do push-ups in front of the TV, which made him sweat, which made him require another shower. He knew Seifer was busy, but he couldn't hear anything from inside his room that sounded like doing stuff whenever he entered the shower. The only way he knew Seifer was alive was the answers he got when asking, the eating of meals, and Seifer slipping into bed with him, though it was later and later at night. One time Zell had pretended to be sleeping and Seifer curled up to him anyway, but differently- he managed to wrap his arms around Zell. Zell didn't say anything, and Squall hadn't called. He knew they weren't fucking yet.

The Eve of Kranen was actually the first Seifer had emerged from his room to talk with Laura. Laura had been holding sessions in Seifer's room, and it gave Zell the freedom to wander around outside for a few hours. He moved to the shopping centers, watching people filling the streets with bags and toys and material things. It seemed strange to him. He had a desire to fill the void in Seifer's life with a present, but he knew the thing that Seifer wanted was simply to get better. To be free of nightmares. What he could give was what he had given; support, consistency, and trust.

All right, well maybe two of the three. Trust was hard to build up again. Still, the material urge of the holiday shook him and he found himself wandering the streets, searching.

When he returned, prize in hand and nicely gift wrapped, Seifer was waiting for him. From the look of things Seifer had probably done nothing other than wait for him- the look of relief meant Seifer had worried Zell had left. Zell inwardly scoffed. That would have been a shitty move.

"How are you?" he asked. "How'd the talk go?"

"Journaling," Seifer replied. "Told me I should journal down my thoughts and dreams. But she says I'm thinking like a person now, so that's good. I'm thinking and acting like this Seifer Almasy." Seifer kept staring at Zell's face, never the gift.

"That's good then, right? Progress."

"She says I'm being hindered," Seifer told him. "Because I don't reach out to you more."

Zell raised an eyebrow, sitting on the sofa to see eye-to-eye. Seifer continued. "You tell me my memories. You help me when She takes over my soul. But I guess…I'm afraid to ask for more." Seifer looked at the ground. "Because I don't understand why you would do something like this."

"You deserve a second chance," Zell told him, and Seifer looked up at him, his face full of pain. His hand came up to touch the side of Zell's face gently, tracing his tattoo.

"Seifer," Zell stated softly.

"Shh," came the response. Seifer removed his hand. "I'm not going to do anything." His face looked twisted and painful.

Did he want something? Zell was trembling at the tension. "Why not?"

The question hung in the air, ringing in their ears and boiling their blood. Once again, Zell's words were completely inappropriate. Once again, Seifer was glad of them, because he couldn't be held in control of what he did next.

Their faces pressed together. Seifer kissed Zell on the lips, trying to force their lips closer. Zell would have none of taking the back seat and wrapped his arms around Seifer, pushing the taller man into the sofa. After a moment they parted.

"We can't," Seifer told him, pushing him off.

"I know," Zell replied, lying on the ground. He decided to get up first. "I'm heading for bed," he announced.

"It's three forty-two," Seifer countered. "You can't-"

"Please," Zell uttered. "Please." He moved into his room, shutting and locking the door. Seifer sighed as he leaned back. It was what he had wanted. It was what he knew he shouldn't have indulged in. He licked his lips, stretching out his limbs. His hands brushed against something on the ground; something wrapped, and something for him.

"Zell," Seifer stated, placing the gift against his lips.

………………

Kranen came at three in the morning. Zell hadn't been able to get to sleep until several hours later, unable to think other than what had happened. Squall would be calling him, he was sure of it. Zell had waited, anxious.

Squall never called. Zell fell asleep and awoke the next morning, the tension coming as soon as he remembered why. Still upset at himself over the events he opened the door.

Seifer had put up decorations. Little paper eggs, rabbits, birds, and ovary trees were placed all around on the walls. It was a lot of effort to put these things up, and Zell smiled at them.

Still, in the morning, there was nothing like the toilet.

Seifer came out of bed a few hours later, and Zell didn't push him to wake up the way Zell normally did. Zell knew he was up when the bathroom door closed shut and he jumped for a bit before realizing it was Seifer.

Then the present came to mind. Shit. Where had he put that? He searched around the apartment for the blue gift-wrapped box. The box had mysteriously disappeared, not even under the sofa.

"What are you doing?" came the voice behind him. Zell didn't look up, still searching under the sofa.

"Looking for a present for you." Zell sighed as his hands searched under the sofa fruitlessly.

"Why not get on the floor to search under the sofa? It could fall on you if you bend over it like that." There was something else in Seifer's voice, too, so Zell moved upright to gaze at the older man. Seifer was standing with a beanie on his head, with the term "me" written on it.

Strangely enough, when he grinned the way he was, like there was nothing wrong with the world, the beanie suited him.

"I couldn't wait," Seifer explained. "You… dropped it last night."

"Did I?" Zell asked, the events of last night stirring up his mind again. It must have fallen out of his pants pocket.

Seifer stared at him for a few more seconds before handing him a present as well. "I asked Laura about it, and she said she'd okay me buying this."

Zell hoped it wasn't a knife. Or a pair of gloves; Zell wasn't allowed weapons. The box was really too small for any such things, so he took it and began to open it, staring with a confused look at Seifer. When he was done unwrapping it a brand new leather jacket was staring at him, red flames like the old one, but red flames along the side, two. "It's awesome, Seifer," Zell told him, and Seifer smiled.

"When you're in civilian clothes, or when you are training. It's made of tanned snow lion, so it's extremely hard to tear. And there are little slits that you can open in the sides if it gets too hot, but it would be great in cold missions." Seifer stopped speaking.

"Thank you," Zell told him, wanting to reach out and kiss Seifer again. Neither man moved, though. The silence started eating at them until Zell set the gift down. "All right, then! Let's have a day of celebration!"

…………………

Seifer groaned as he opened his eyes. When Zell said celebration, he meant it. The blonde had secured alcohol and bad movies along with firecrackers that could be lit inside. With Zell, Kranen had been a real party. He almost wondered if Zell had help in organizing it; Zell had mentioned Selphie liked parties and especially the Garden one.

Garden. Seifer winced as he remembered. When under Ultimacia, his return to the Garden was fuzzy- he never entered it, but he never really was able to do anything. She was in command, controlling his arm to let the soldiers go, she was always with him, in his head, filling him with emotions that weren't his. Garden was safe before her. That was the Garden Zell was from, the safe one.

Maybe. It didn't really matter now, Seifer thought, tracing the face of the snoring blonde. Zell really didn't hold his alcohol well. A few shots of Krakka and Zell was loud, babbling, and really touchy-feely. Not like Seifer minded, but Squall probably would bitch about Zell loosing his inhibition around a mentally destroyed man.

Funny, he didn't feel mentally broken. He was getting better, able to sort out memories and ideas that were his and those that never were his. He was able to think of himself as a person. The beanie only magnified that.

Zell was getting to know him too well.

Seifer let his hand wander down the skin, only stopping when he hit the cloth of Zell's shorts. Silly Zell, Seifer thought. I think I'm falling in love with you.

Memories came back to Seifer, Memories in which Seifer was studying, in which Seifer was learning about psychology. He knew he'd be prone to developing feelings for anyone he shared personal information with; he'd be prone to developing feelings because he had no one. Zell was stable.

Seifer knew he couldn't ask Zell to love him right now. Later, when Seifer was dependant, maybe. It wasn't fair to either of them; maybe he didn't really love Zell, but valued his friendship. After all, he hadn't really been close before the war and he hadn't really been close during the war. Zell had simply felt sorry for him, right?

"Peaceful," Seifer told the drunken sleeper. "You're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

"Okay," Zell mumbled, squirming at Seifer's touch. "Why you touchin' me?" Zell slurred. "You wan' my pan's off or sometin'?"

"You can't even speak clearly," Seifer replied, removing his hand. The martial artist gave a whine. "You want me to touch you?" Seifer asked, ignoring how dirty that sounded. Ignoring what Zell might say in reply. His hand came and rested on Zell's abs.

"Seifer," Zell breathed. Seifer didn't move, waiting for Zell to fall asleep before leaving him to go to his own room. Humans were tricky creatures indeed, he thought. So delicate.

Proof that he himself was human, and the bitch in his head didn't know what she was talking about. He placed the covers over himself, hoping that tonight, like he hoped every night, the dreams he had would not be of Ultimacia but of Zell.

………………

It was about another month before Seifer crawled back into Zell's bed again. Zell fully knew the reason why, but didn't say anything as he watched the taller man throw back the covers and snuggle underneath them. "You're going tomorrow."

"I am," Zell replied. "Time for you to stand on your own, I think. I don't remember what they told me anyway. I'll still call. Or write. Or whatever."

"Stand on my own, huh? It feels too short. For most people, doesn't this take years, decades or whatever?"

"You've never been like most people, Seifer," Zell told him, turning to actually face the guy. It had been too short. Just a few months.

"Maybe I just got lucky," Seifer whispered, reaching over to touch Zell's face.

Zell touched his hand. "So you did fall in love with me," Zell replied softly. "Squall warned me about it, said-"

"I know that. I took the same classes with him. People I share intimate knowledge with, people I spend time with- you tend to fall in love with them. I'm not stupid, chicken." Seifer sighed, withdrawing his hand. "I mean… I want to be. You didn't give up on me. You did so much for me, I still can't think of you like a chicken anymore. Despite all that shit I put you through, you…" Seifer shook his head, clearing his thoughts. "I know. I know I'm in love and I don't know if it's because you've just happened to be there or because it's you. I want to know. That's why I haven't tried anything."

"Until tonight," Zell stated, almost purring. Seifer raised an eyebrow, but Zell threw the covers off of them. "Really, Seifer, coming into bed naked was not subtle."

"Oh, and you buying lube was," Seifer countered, grinning just as well. He rolled on top of Zell, who managed to squirm his way out from under him.

"Please. I'm a martial artist. Best in the world." Zell shook his finger. "You'll have to do better next time."

Seifer's grin grew into a smirk, though it wasn't the angry one of his youth. "Okay. I'll do better this time." He reached for Zell's pants, suddenly pulling them down and moving to breathe on top of Zell's cock. Before Zell could say anything, he moved upward and pecked Zell on the lips. "Felt a little weird without that."

Zell growled before flipping them over, forcing himself on top, forcing his mouth into Seifer's. Seifer growled appreciatively at the move. Zell wasn't going to hold anything back, and neither was he.

Maybe in a few years, they'd find each other again. Find out where they really stood, when Seifer was much more sane and when Zell had time or no mission or something.

The bath knew these things. The bath knew that Zell would be good, and that Zell would seek out Seifer's company again. He'd found someone to talk to, someone to trust in, to loose trust to build it again. Zell had managed to find someone who would treat him like a special person rather than just a friend, and it would drive Zell to insanity to have someone like that in his life.

The bath only creaked small congratulations to the two as they opened her valves, giving them its water nice and hot. It was certain this would not be the last time they met.

The bath, in all its wisdom, was correct.


End file.
